Becoming Virtuous

A few weeks ago, I was catching up with a friend, and after sharing everything that’s gone down so far this year, she asked me how I was doing with all of it. I had to admit I was still struggling emotionally with all of it. Some days are better than others, but some days I have a hard time even getting out of bed—the weight of facing one more day is just too heavy.

And I told her I felt so much shame and was frustrated with myself that I wasn’t doing better by now. I mean, it had been almost three months, why wasn’t I able to move on and be somewhat more emotionally stable again?

Gently, she told me, “Girl, you’ve been through a lot. It’s okay that you aren’t not completely healed by now. There is grace for that.”

I’ve been marinating on that ever since. There is grace for that.

The cultural water we swim in makes it difficult to be okay with the messy middle. We like answers and things neatly wrapped up in a bow. Even our media consumption feeds this. Every TV show episode has a crisis and a clear resolution, and they can achieve all that in 45 minutes or less.

But most of life isn’t lived there, in that quick and tidy resolution. We are surrounded by unknowns, uncertainties, and (I’m realizing more and more) copious amounts of waiting.

Even in Christian circles, it’s so easy for us to pray hard and show up for a friend in a crisis…until the crisis drags on into weeks (or heaven forbid, months!). I can understand. I too have had to fight the urge to inwardly groan once we’ve hit month three of hearing the same prayer request week after week.

But, as my friend encouraged, I’m realizing a great need to grow in grace. A need to grow in showing grace to myself, and to others. After all, God shows us grace day after day, year after year, of coming to Him with the same struggles. He calls us His beloved children, and says to come to Him when we are weary and heavy laden. And He knows our weaknesses, better than anyone else, and loves us enough to die for us anyway.

And if I can believe that He is not frustrated or disappointed that I’m not “over it” by now, that helps me to let go of frustration with myself (or others) as we are slogging through this messy middle.

It reminds me of a song by Skye Peterson and Andy Gullahorn.

Oh, God is in no hurry, you can take your time
Trusting that the process is part of the design
He loves you where you are, not where you should be
God is in no hurry

May we all grow in grace in this area.