Becoming Virtuous

Everything Beautiful In Its Time

July 14, 2026

I have a goal for this year to walk or run 100 miles every month. Since my job is largely sedentary, this goal helps get me moving (I’m ashamed how easy it is to move only half a mile or less in a day). Consequently, this also means that I’ve been going on a lot of walks in my neighborhood.

One of my favorite spots to walk through is an alley that has lilac bushes lining either side. When those bushes are in full bloom, the visual and olfactory aspect of that alley is positively enchanting!

Sadly, as we are now firmly in July, the full bloom of those lilac bushes are now long past. Yet, on a recent walk I noticed that there were a few blooms that were just now unfurling their beauty.

It’s led me to spend a lot of time pondering the idiom, “late bloomers.” And it’s grown increasingly wild to me that the idiom is almost always used in a deprecating way.

Some might say it’s the influence of evolutionary thinking on society (the belief that we all hit certain stages at very specific times). It could also be that we, as humans, seem to have a natural bias towards consistency and sameness, and many often look at anomalies askance. Either way, so many parts of life have an unspoken pattern and sequence that is to be followed and completed on a fairly inflexible timeline, and anything outside of that gets labeled and viewed as a problem to be remedied.

But looking at that lilac bloom, bursting forth in all its reflected glory, it strikes me as the furthest thing from a problem to be fixed. Instead, I view it with delight and gratefulness at the prolonged beauty and joy I get to witness.

It reminds me of a graphic I saw almost ten years ago and printed off to put on my bulletin board:

As someone who feels behind in life (is so very many facets of life), this gives me much comfort.

One, because God is ultimately the Author of my story, and He is good. And two, even if the timeline of my life differs from what’s considered “normal” — He is not disappointed in me. It’s not like I can mess things up enough that I’ve ruined His plan for my life. I’m not on some kind of “Plan B” (or anything else further down the alphabet). Where He has me has a divinely ordained and good purpose.

This calls to mind the verse in Ecclesiastes, “He has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecc. 3:11a). So I can be confident that any “late blooming” that comes in my life is a beautiful work of the Lord. And therefore, I can lay down striving and trying to make up for lost time, and simply rest in His good pleasure. And you, dear reader, can do the same. 🙂
Grace for the Messy Middle

July 1, 2026

A few weeks ago, I was catching up with a friend, and after sharing everything that’s gone down so far this year, she asked me how I was doing with all of it. I had to admit I was still struggling emotionally with all of it. Some days are better than others, but some days I have a hard time even getting out of bed—the weight of facing one more day is just too heavy.

And I told her I felt so much shame and was frustrated with myself that I wasn’t doing better by now. I mean, it had been almost three months, why wasn’t I able to move on and be somewhat more emotionally stable again?

Gently, she told me, “Girl, you’ve been through a lot. It’s okay that you aren’t not completely healed by now. There is grace for that.”

I’ve been marinating on that ever since. There is grace for that.

The cultural water we swim in makes it difficult to be okay with the messy middle. We like answers and things neatly wrapped up in a bow. Even our media consumption feeds this. Every TV show episode has a crisis and a clear resolution, and they can achieve all that in 45 minutes or less.

But most of life isn’t lived there, in that quick and tidy resolution. We are surrounded by unknowns, uncertainties, and (I’m realizing more and more) copious amounts of waiting.

Even in Christian circles, it’s so easy for us to pray hard and show up for a friend in a crisis…until the crisis drags on into weeks (or heaven forbid, months!). I can understand. I too have had to fight the urge to inwardly groan once we’ve hit month three of hearing the same prayer request week after week.

But, as my friend encouraged, I’m realizing a great need to grow in grace. A need to grow in showing grace to myself, and to others. After all, God shows us grace day after day, year after year, of coming to Him with the same struggles. He calls us His beloved children, and says to come to Him when we are weary and heavy laden. And He knows our weaknesses, better than anyone else, and loves us enough to die for us anyway.

And if I can believe that He is not frustrated or disappointed that I’m not “over it” by now, that helps me to let go of frustration with myself (or others) as we are slogging through this messy middle.

It reminds me of a song by Skye Peterson and Andy Gullahorn.

Oh, God is in no hurry, you can take your time
Trusting that the process is part of the design
He loves you where you are, not where you should be
God is in no hurry

May we all grow in grace in this area.
“I Hate Waiting”

June 3, 2026

Growing up, we took a lot of road trips. A big family meant flying was too expensive. And because my parents grew up in the Midwest, that meant flying was unnecessary if it only took 22 hours to drive there. But still, did I love those road trips!

And every road trip, I would sit there with our massive United States atlas open on my lap the entire time. I would watch for highways that we passed and find them on the map. When I was older I would check our speed and calculate how many hours and minutes we had until our next stop. I was incredibly reluctant if any sibling asked to borrow said atlas, and would request it back as soon as it would appear they lost interest in it.

You see, I love (maybe more accurately; I need) to know exactly where I am, and where I’m going. And I feel massively uncomfortable when I don’t know.

And that’s something that has been difficult about this season I’m in. With all that has happened in my life the last couple of months, it’s been rather disorienting. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a time where I’ve felt more lost—unsure of where I am or where in the world I should be going. And frankly, it feels like I’ve been sidelined by God, and I don’t know how to proceed.
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Reflecting on 2025

May 31, 2026
The beginning of this year was a bit crazy, and so I never got around to posting the lessons I learned this past year. I don’t know if this is helpful for anyone else, but I find it helpful for myself at least to review and be reminded of the things God has been teaching me. I’ll share my list in case it might be useful for someone else (and maybe you can eschew some of the lessons I’ve learned the hard way).
- “You will die, 100% guaranteed. The question is; are you going to live before you die. What does it mean to live? To live before God? …Thy Kingdom come is both a prayer and a commitment.” – Stuart McAllister
- “A friend is someone who helps you re-narrate your life in light of the good news of the Gospel.” Stephen E. Fowl
- Repentance is a gift, not a “to do.” Repentance is most of the 100% I bring to sanctification, the Spirit does the actual work of change. – my counselor
- “Humility is the fuel that relationships run on.” JP Pokluda
- “Fear is the greatest deterrent of performance.” Mike Donehey
- “Peace for me comes when I refuse my rights and reframe everything as a gift.” Mike Donehey
- “Expectancy is the breeding ground for miracles.” Brandon Lake
- There are 5 layers of intimacy: social (shared experiences), intellectual (sharing thoughts), emotional (sharing feelings), spiritual (sharing faith and growing together), physical.
- “A culture’s decline is optional for an individual.” Jonathan Brush
- Don’t sacrifice relationships for the sake of efficiency. “You can have something that seems to be optimized on the one hand, while losing something that is genuinely good on the other hand.” – Cameron McAllister
- Questions for decision making: Is it moral? Is it wise? Do I want to?
- “You will either heal quickly or slowly; completely or partially. But the degree to which you are willing to embrace the pain of recovery, is the degree to which you will heal.” Christine Caine
- “There is a difference between a story and a testimony. …Take your counsel from people that have had victory over time, not people that are just quickly telling a story.” Christine Caine
- Teasing become bullying if both parties aren’t laughing.
- Stubbornness is only a virtue if it’s built on truth.
- Leadership is taking responsibility/ownership of the process, but holding loosely to the outcome.
- “We may impress people with our strengths, but we connect through our weaknesses.” Craig Groeschel
- “Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.” Craig Groeschel
- “His will is our peace and our joy.” Elisabeth Eliott
- “Is your allegiance to Jesus? Or to personal preference?” Cameron McAllister. When His Word is contrary to your natural inclinations, which will you follow?
- “Jesus defeated death so you can live.” Charlie Kirk
- “Growth for the sake of growth is the mindset of a cancer cell. Healthy cells say, let’s multiply until we are a functioning kidney, and then let’s do what a healthy kidney does.” Nathan Rittenhouse
- “If our obedience cannot guarantee the outcome, then our failures cannot destroy the story either.” Daughter of Delight post
- My ability to love others well really does hinge on how well I understand God’s love for me.
- Colossians 3:15 says to “let” the peace of Christ dwell in you. So that seems to indicate that I can resist God’s peace in my heart. So will I choose to let His peace in, or resist it? – from a Mike Donehey interview
- When there is confusion, don’t make assumptions. Ask questions. Asking questions will prevent a mountain of unnecessary angst.
Consistency Wins

May 25, 2026

After four hours of sleep, some acute achilles tendonitis, and (mostly) running 6.2 miles (9.8 if you include all the walking before and after), we just got back from the Bolder Boulder Memorial Day 10k race.

This was my seventh Bolder Boulder, and my younger sister’s first 10k. And she beat my time by a good 3 minutes. I’ve been running off and on since about 2012, and I still couldn’t finish faster than an hour and twenty minutes. My sister only started running at the beginning of this year, and she’s already faster than me.

There probably is a factor of age in there. I’m squarely in my mid-thirties, and she’s still in her early twenties. But I think my other sister hit the nail on the head when she started to encourage me to start running consistently two or three times a week in preparation for the next race. I joked, “So you mean starting over every year isn’t working?”

But it got me thinking. My younger sister has put in the work. For the last four months she has been consistently running two or three times a week, slowly building her distance and increasing her speed. And she was rewarded today for her persistence.

Me on the other hand? I did maybe half of the training runs I was supposed to, not really getting serious about it until four weeks ago, and I ended up with a running injury (turns out it’s not wise to do too much too fast) and a finishing time slower than last year. Yep, I’d say my approach isn’t working. 😛 Honestly, with everything that was working against me, it’s only by the grace of God that I finished as well as I did.

And it has me thinking, how often do I do this in other areas of my life? Relationships with family/friends? Work? Chores? Other commitments? … My relationship with God?

How often do I procrastinate, only to be stressed and attempting frantic all-out effort at the end to try to make up for my lack of real follow through? How much further could I be in all of these areas if I instead kept showing up on a regular basis, putting in the consistent work?

I hope I’ve finally learned my lesson in the running department, and I can start showing up consistently (after I rehab this injury). 😛 And I definitely have some food for thought to mull over in how this tendency might be affecting other areas of my life as well…
A Tale of Redemption — Part 2: God’s Grace

May 23, 2026

(Read Part 1 here.)

In the midst of all my questioning, God has been faithful.

There have been several times in my life where I’ve felt like God has spoken to me through music. In recent years, it most often seems to happen with me waking up with a song stuck in my head (sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes in the morning). The morning after I found out that the trade school had closed, I woke up with the song “Whatever You’re Doing” by Sanctus Real stuck in my head. I was practically sobbing as I listened to the song later that day.
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A Tale of Redemption — Part 1: The Harrowing

May 20, 2026

This has been an interesting (and difficult) year on many levels. I’ll catch you up to speed (prepare for a whirlwind in long form).
(more…)
Saying Goodbye…

January 31, 2026

Somehow I knew. Last night I didn’t want to go to sleep, and I wrote these words to describe the angst I just couldn’t shake,

“Staying up to watch the sun rise, because I don’t want to miss every last second of this world with you in it.”

Grammy, words cannot describe how thankful I am for you. I never doubted that you cared deeply for me. You’d travel from another state to catch every ballet recital, graduation, and every single major life milestone. You took on babysitting three little kids for a week so Mom and Dad could take a vacation, and it somehow turned into a yearly tradition (and the origin of many of my favorite childhood memories). You wrote me letters, even though I was abysmal at writing you back. You lived out how to be a hard worker and keep going even when it felt like the world was against you. You graciously extended hospitality countless times to us noisy kids, and you never complained or were begrudging. You gave us the greatest gift, the gift of your presence. And I am so thankful.

I love you so, so much, and I still can’t quite believe that you are gone. It doesn’t feel real, it can’t possibly be real. You lived a long life, but it still felt so sudden. You definitely leave behind a hole that will never quite be filled.

I pray that I may follow in your footsteps in continually showing up for my family in the way that you continually showed up for me. And I pray that you knew at the end the great love God has for you, and how very much we all loved you as well.
Pushing Back the Darkness

September 25, 2025

Sitting here this evening, I’ve been weary under the weight of the heaviness of life. So much death and brokenness all around. The darkness seems so pressing, so close—and I’ve been crying out to God, wondering how do I move on from here? How can I possibly help push back the darkness?

Then, a child being pushed in a scroller on the sidewalk 50 feet away from me called out, “Have a nice day!” And God knew that was just what I needed. *That’s* a small—but huge—way we push back the darkness. By having courage and being kind, even to complete strangers. Because you never know how a smile or a kind word will completely turn someone’s day around. I don’t need a platform to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I just need to be present for the people in front of me.

I wish, I wish that I was told that
Life doesn’t get easier as it goes
But the older I get, the more and more I know
Days get richer, and deeper
And more and more beautiful
Reflecting on 2024

January 4, 2025
Another year has come to a close. It didn’t look anything like I expected, and it was one of the hardest in so many ways. Yet, God also proved His faithfulness time and again as He met me in the midst of the hard days. And I can say that I’m standing at the beginning of this year with more hope and peace than I think I ever have before. Because of God, I have so much to be thankful for.

As per the usual, if you want to read some of the lessons I learned last year, I’ll drop those here.
- “Your failures serve as a beautiful reminder that you were in the arena trying.”
- “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” Neil Strauss
- “The single most powerful thing you can do in a relationship, whether it’s personal or professional, is to give someone 100% of your attention.” Brad Jacobs
- Change doesn’t have to be your favorite for you to handle it alright ~ Rachel Kimzey
- God will meet you in the learning curve. ~ Tracy Kimzey
- David *knew* he was going to be king. But he was patient and waited on God’s perfect timing, even serving his predecessor faithfully despite Saul trying to kill him.
- “When you start forming an identity that is based purely off of your critical eye toward everything, you’re missing something. …What are you building? The people who are building get less concerned about the critics, if they have a clear vision of what it is that they are supposed to be building and crafting.” ~ Nathan Rittenhouse
- “You are made to die dissatisfied.” Joshua Luke Smith
- “If it’s not good, God’s not done.” Sarah Shaw
- “It takes courage to do the work of change rather than emotionally withdrawing or walking away.” – Untangling Emotions: Alasdair Groves and Winston Smith
- “Oftentimes, our desire to rebel against authority speaks far less about their authority than it does about our own heart. Because most of the time, rules and authorities are out for your protection and good. Not all the time, but most of the time. And when we rebel it’s saying, ‘I want to be in control because I know best.’ And that’s arrogant, that’s sinful, and this text says it will lead to your harm. So, joyfully submit.” – Nate Hilgenkamp
- The situation is important; but it is not determinative. – David Powlison
- “Hope doesn’t ask, ‘Will this work?’ Hope asks, ‘Is this the right thing to do?’” – Cameron McAllister
- In Ecclesiastes where it says it is good to find enjoyment in your work, that phrase literally means in Hebrew, “make his soul see good” in his toil.
- God’s last work of creation was to sit back and enjoy what He had created. God also calls us to enjoy a job well done.
- God in the parable praised both of the workers who grew their talents, it didn’t matter how much they produced. And He rewards/praises my work, despite its imperfections and flaws, and He uses it for His bigger purposes.
- “Faith is long obedience in the same direction.” – Eugene Peterson
- “Resilience is long hope in the same direction. Love is long commitment in the same direction.” Jonathan Brush

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