Becoming Virtuous

I don’t know if you caught a recent headline, but in June this year a tech company announced a full-size, ultra biotic, humanoid AI companion that they were bringing to the market. These “companions” have silicone skin, they blink, their eyes track you across a room, and they have been trained to read more than 20 distinct emotions and respond accordingly. (I, Robot anyone?)

Proponents of this new wave of technology would say that this couldn’t have come at a better time. And with how it is being particularly marketed to individuals and families in crisis as a mental health/comfort companion, many would argue that this service is desperately needed. I mean, the US Surgeon General wrote an 81 page report a few years ago on the current loneliness epidemic, in which the main thrust of his argument was the importance of companionship and social connection.

But is communicating with a robot truly social connection?

I was reading a Substack article with Dr. Sean Tobin’s take on these robots (which is a fantastic read, you should check it out), and I can’t get this quote out of my mind:

“A real relationship is partly made of friction. The other person forgets what you told them. They are tired when you need them. They misread you, and you have to repair it. They want things that are not what you want, and you have to negotiate the distance. We experience all of that as the failure of relationship, the parts we would remove if we could. But it is not the failure of relationship. It is the substance of it. The friction is where love is actually practiced, because the friction is where the other person remains other, a real someone with their own interior, who could, at any moment, say no.

The companion removes the friction. That is its entire promise. And in removing the friction, it removes the other. What is left feels like intimacy and asks nothing of you, which is exactly why it will spread, and exactly why it will cost more than we know.”

A relationship without friction and that asks nothing of you.

As someone who has Harmony as their topmost strength (according to Clifton StrengthsFinders), I can understand why this would be appealing. This kind of relationship, without all of the messiness and conflict, would seem to be a little piece of heaven on earth. And yet, as I pondered Dr. Tobin’s words, all I could think about was porn.

No, I wasn’t thinking about it in the way that you might assume. It reminded me of what Mike Donehey said in this teaching video about why porn is a counterfeit to true intimacy (again, great video, check it out):

“This is why pornography, lust, casual sex, it is a counterfeit to the real thing. It’s trying to make easy what was always meant to demand everything. Pornography, casual sex, it lacks integrity. It says, ‘I’m willing to do with my body what I’m not willing to give with my whole life.’ Right? … Pornography is this temptation of, ‘what if I could have it all and remove the thorns and thistles out of love.’

Pornography is all take, and no give. And this is why that good desire [for physical intimacy] has gone so wrong. Because Christ says true fulfillment comes in giving yourself away. Not in taking for yourself.”

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but to me that sounds exactly like what these humanoid robots are intentionally designed to be. A way of having relationship, even “intimacy,” that is all take and requires nothing in return.

I could be overstating things, comparing AI companions to pornography, but I don’t think I am. Why? Because of what the Bible says in all of the “one another’s.” The Bible says to love your neighbor (Matthew 22:39)—without the qualifier to only do so when it’s convenient. It says to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)—without the qualifier that you are off the hook if your schedule is just a little too packed. It repeatedly says to love one another (John 13:34, 15:12, 17; Romans 13:8; 1 Thessalonians 3:12, 4:9; 1 Peter 1:22; 1 John 3:11, 4:7, 11; 2 John 5)—sans the exception to do so only if the other person is easily lovable. It says to serve one another (Galatians 5:13)—without saying to only do so if you have a reasonable expectation of getting something in return.

The Bible is replete with commands to give of yourself for the good of others (here’s just the New Testament examples). And this is crazy stupid hard. God has been convicting me recently of how I love others well, but often only when I will get something in return. And truly, at the end of the day, how is that core motivation any different than using other people to gratify your lust through porn? Both are divorcing people of their inherent, God given value and using them for self-serving ends.

In contrast, consider someone who gives of themselves for the good of another with no expectation of return. Like a mother who wakes repeatedly in the middle of the night to care for their crying infant. A soldier that runs into enemy fire to save an injured comrade. A missionary that risks their life to share the Gospel with a remote village. A pastor that endures long hours, many inconveniences, and possibly incredibly painful misunderstandings from others, all so they can serve and shepherd the flock God has entrusted to them.

Or more poignantly, look at Jesus. He was the literal King of the universe. Everything single thing in the world belonged to Him. He had angels that glorified Him perfectly every moment. Yet He chose to humble Himself and come on a rescue mission that would cost His life—for people who can give Him absolutely nothing in return.

Jesus gave everything to have a relationship with us.

True love in real relationship is costly. But that is precisely why it is beautiful. And anything that cheapens it is tragic at best, and soul warping at worst.