Becoming Virtuous

A blog sharing my thoughts on life and what God is teaching me

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  • Grieve With Hope

    Grieve With Hope

    If I’m honest, I didn’t really feel like celebrating Christmas this year. The last month has been emotionally rough, culminating with our dog dying last week. In light of it all, I just didn’t feel like I had the energy to celebrate, and doing so in the wake of so much pain seemed wrong.

    But God brought to mind a passage from a book I’m reading right now, that said that grief and joy can exist in the same heart. Both are legitimate right now, and both are okay. I shouldn’t feel guilt for either.

    He also gently reminded me that the true purpose of Christmas is not me anyway. Ultimately, it’s a time to praise Him for sending Christ to save us from our sins.

    So in faith, I put up our tree. And God graciously responded by bringing joy. I’m still grieving, but I can also have joy, because this life is not all there is. Because of Christ, there will be a future without pain or tears.

    So I do not grieve as one without hope. The best is yet to come.

  • Who Am I?

    Who Am I?

    Identity. Who am I? Does anyone else catch themselves asking this question on a regular basis?

    Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I wonder how much of what I do, and who I perceive myself to be, is me trying to appease the people around me? Or how much of what I do is learned behavior, instead of what I would naturally do? It can be an interesting philosophical exercise.

    And yet, while it’s important to determine which of my actions stem simply from people pleasing, it hit me this morning that there are more important questions I should be focusing on.

    First, Whose am I? Am I a child of God, and do I have evidence to believe so because I see His work in my life? And second, who is He calling and reworking me to be?

    Don’t get me wrong, I think personality tests can be helpful in understanding myself and others, and I can geek out over them with the best of them (just ask me about cognitive functions or strengths finders sometime ). But I realized, that at least for myself, focusing only on my Myers Briggs acronym (or other test results) is focusing too much on who I am right now. It honestly is also just focusing too much on *me* period.

    So what? Will I give up personality tests? Probably not soon. But I do want to be asking myself some different questions more regularly. Like, who does God want me to be? Am I walking in pride or humility? Am I intentionally loving others, and seeking to do so in the way(s) that nourish their souls? Am I dying to self? And, since people become like who they spend the most time with, am I seeking to gaze more at Christ? Am I seeking to know and love Him more? Because ultimately, that is Who I want to become like more and more.

    P.S. I know that, in the end, it is God who changes my sinful responses to godly ones. But I know that I’m not called to be passive in this work. So, in faith, instead of focusing on who I am now, I want to focus on who God is creating me to be.

  • Choosing Joy

    Choosing Joy

    This time of year is when I typically will post a fall un-appreciation post. But this year is different.

    God has been working on me hardcore this year. (Honestly, He probably has been for many years, I’m only just now starting to be more receptive to it. 😝) At the beginning of this year, He convicted me of my tendency to despair and melancholy. It felt like He was inviting me—reminding me—to find my peace and hope in Him alone, and to seek out and celebrate the daily mercies He was showing me. So I chose “joy” as my word of the year, and prayed that God would cause me to walk in that.

    And then 2020 happened. 😳

    But you know what? God has been faithful. There have certainly been times I’ve been discouraged, angry, fretful, etc. But God has been working a peace and joy in my heart that I don’t believe I have experienced before.

    Instead of focusing on how everything is going wrong or not the way I’d like it to, He has given me eyes to see the “bright spots” of His beauty and mercy in the midst of the mundane or trials alike.

    So this fall, instead of getting depressed (because I hate watching the trees and flowers die), God has helped me to see (and dare I admit, enjoy?) the beauty of the changing colors.

    I know this has been a hard year for many of us. But my hope is that by sharing what God is doing in my life, it may encourage you. Because you can be certain that He is willing and able to work in your hearts and lives as well.

  • Redemption

    Redemption

    “Anxiety is the belief that God’s going to get it wrong. Bitterness is the belief that God did get it wrong. And regret is the belief that what I’ve done is so bad that God can’t make it right.

    God can always make it right, He can always redeem.”

    ~Mike Donehey

  • His Yoke is Easy…

    His Yoke is Easy…

    “Remember, His yoke is easy and His burden is light. If it doesn’t feel that way, maybe you’re carrying something you shouldn’t be carrying.”

    A nugget of wisdom from my boss after my coworker and I shared how stressed we’ve been recently. Let me tell you, it convicted and encouraged me. I hope it can be a good reminder for someone else too.

  • Hope in Loss

    Hope in Loss

    Loss. It’s something that we have all had to face this year—for many, in painfully acute ways that we have not had to face before.

    Back in April, I felt like this tree was a picture of what life had become. On the brink of blooming in a white cascade of sweet smelling blossoms, but a cold wind blew in a freeze, and the buds opened to reveal flowers that were already dead.

    I felt the loss of these blooms quite keenly. Spring only comes once a year, and I’m not guaranteed to see another one. Even if I live to be 70, that means I only get to witness this God given beauty forty more times. So I treasure each spring richly. And to lose one of those finite chances to enjoy God’s gift in this tree? I was devastated.

    But I’m sure that’s how many others have felt, and about more significant losses than a tree that didn’t bloom. Some have lost family or friends, jobs, their community, church, activities they loved, and much more. These losses have all been significant and costly.

    But if you go to the second picture, you will witness a mercy of God. Not all of the blooms died. And that solitary floret illustrated some truths for me.

    First, I’m not in control of what happens, but God is. And He is infinitely good, and infinitely sovereign, and infinitely all-knowing. The question is, when I face the trials of loss, will I trust that God is in all of these things and run to Him? Or will I run from Him and become bitter because I think He messed up and I could do a better job running the show?

    And second, will I focus on the pain of my trial, or will I focus on how God shows His mercy in the trial? By His mercy, I still have so much. I’m alive, I have my family, I have friends, I have a community that seeks to build one another up in Christ. But more than that, I have salvation through Christ. So even if all of the other things were stripped away, I can rejoice because I have been bought by the blood of the Lamb.

    This current crisis is not the only time we will experience loss, in this fallen world I can guarantee that we’ll each face similar trials again. But how will we face them? I pray we do so focusing on the infinite worth of Christ.

  • The Face in the Mirror is New Everyday

    The Face in the Mirror is New Everyday

    Do you ever feel trapped and haunted by your past? Like you’ve sought to grow and change, but the people around you can’t seem to let go of the shortcomings of your youth? They are unable (or unwilling) to see the maturation in your life? It feels like you’re trying to “bury the hatchet” (to borrow the colloquialism), but others only buried the hatchet head, and keep pointing to the handle when they want to remind you that you’ve messed up before.

    I guess you can tell I’ve felt this way before (😉), and today I was pondering how I should be handling these feelings. Previously, I’ve gotten discouraged and depressed, feeling like it was hopeless to try to get people to know me for who I truly am now instead of fixating on the past.

    But then today I remembered some truths that give me freedom. First, God sees me (Psalm 139). He is intimately aware of my current shortcomings, but He also sees the ways I’ve grown and rejoices over His work in me to that end (Zeph. 3:17). Second, God’s mercies are new every morning (Lam. 3:22, 23). I do still fail and fall short, no doubt about that. But His mercy towards me is infinitely more abundant than any sin I could commit. Thirdly, because of His mercy through Christ’s sacrifice, God sees me as having Christ’s righteousness (Rom. 4:23–25). This means that He doesn’t see my sins when He looks at me, He doesn’t hold them over my head. Finally, people are fickle. And this is one (of many) reasons that God never says to put my hope in other people and their opinion of me (Prov. 29:25). On the contrary, God doesn’t change (Heb. 13:8). So, because God chose me, I can rest in the fact that His love for me never changes. And more importantly, His love for me doesn’t rise and fall with my usefulness (1 John 4:10).

  • You Are More

    Have you ever felt like you failed at something, and it left you utterly crushed? I certainly have. And because of a false mindset it left me crushed for a very long time.

    This week I’ve been reading Switch by the Heath brothers as a school assignment. In the seventh chapter I came across this passage that intrigued me.

    Read the following four sentences, and write down whether you agree or disagree with each of them.

    1. You are a certain kind of person, and there is not much that can be done to really change that.

    2. No matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially.

    3. You can do things differently, but the important parts of who you are can’t really be changed.

    4. You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.

    If you agreed with items 1 and 3, you’re someone who has a “fixed mindset.” And if you agreed with items 2 and 4, you tend to have a “growth mindset.” (If you agreed with both 1 and 2, you’re confused.”) (Heath 163)

    I knew that I agreed with item 3, and probably 1, though I was unwilling to admit it to myself. I kept reading, and all was well and good until I came across this line.

    If you are someone with a fixed mindset, you tend to avoid challenges, because if you fail, you fear that others will see your failure as an indication of your true ability and see you as a loser. (Heath 163)

    I felt like crying. This one line epitomized what I’ve been experiencing since my last tournament in high school speech and debate. That last tournament was an unparalleled disaster, going from winning records in debate at every tournament, only to win one out of six rounds Regionals. It was a devastating blow, and I took that failure onto myself as my identity, effectively crippling me for the next three years. It was my last chance to prove myself, and I’d failed. It didn’t help that my partner went on to get first place at the first tournament the following year with a new partner who’d only debated for one year previously. I was consumed with thoughts that I had been holding him back from success the last two years.

    But this passage from Switch revealed to me the lie I’d been telling myself for so long. My failures don’t define me. In fact, used correctly they instead shape and grow me. What I need instead of a fixed mindset is a growth mindset. This allows me to see my brain and my abilities as muscles, with challenges as the means of strengthening those muscles. I will be able to accept criticism, because I know it will help me improve.

    This reminded me of the passage in Romans.

    For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. (Reformation Study Bible, Romans 8.29)

    God did not create me to be stagnant. He created me to grow more and more into His likeness.

    This train of thought put the song “You Are More” by Tenth Avenue North into a new perspective for me as well. I am more than my mistakes and my failures. Why?

    ‘Cause this is not about what you’ve done
    But what’s been done for you
    This is not about where you’ve been
    But where your brokenness brings you to

    This is not about what you feel
    But what He felt to forgive you
    And what He felt to make you loved

    In the end, it’s truly not about me and what I’ve done. It’s all about God.

    Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant. (2 Cor. 3.5, 6a)

    Thus, with a correct mindset that God will continually grow me into the person He created me to be for His glory, I no longer have to be crippled by my past failures. Instead, I can learn from them and take those lessons into my future adventures.

    And only with this mindset can I reach the full potential for which God designed me.

    Works Cited

    Heath, Chip and Dan. Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard. New York:

    Broadway Books, 2010. Print.

    Tenth Avenue North. You Are More. The Light Meets the Dark. Provident, 2010. MP3.

    The Reformation Study Bible. English Standard Version. Ed. R.C. Sproul. Orlando. Ligonier

    Ministries. 2005. Print.

  • God’s Got This

    I had a little chuckle today over the phrase, “Preaching to the choir.” The reason I laughed was because of the false assumption imbedded in this phrase. Namely, that if you are in the choir, you have achieved perfection and can no longer be edified by the preaching of the Word. This assumption is ridiculous! The only way anyone could not benefit from the daily washing of the Word is if they are either no longer in this world, or they are not human. All of us have our pitfalls, our weaknesses, our temptations and habitual sins. The bottom line is that we are human, and this means that we won’t have it all figured out until we reach eternity. And even then, only God is all-knowing, so we still won’t have it all figured out!

    I make that point to make a more specific observation.

    It is now the day after Christmas, the day after what is considered one of the happiest days of the year. But for some of us, Christmas may not be all that amazing. Whether because of the pain of a forever empty chair at the table, family quarrels or difficulties, disease, loneliness, or many other external pressures, there are a myriad of things that threaten to steal our happiness away.

    There are a lot of things people can say in the face of this pain or trouble, some bad and some good. You could be told to just move on, or just forget the pain for a while so you can enjoy yourself. But this would be wrong. Or people could point you to the reason for the season, and remind you to count your remaining blessings and thank God for them. These latter examples are perfectly legitimate responses, but I have a different point to make that has to do with my introduction.

    Whenever you are faced with a difficult situation, whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual, whether it be personal and internal, or caused by others, remember this simple phrase; You are not alone. You are not alone because God is there with you through everything. Why can we be sure of this? Because it has been promised to us in God’s Word.

    Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

    ~Psalm 23:4

    And behold, I am with you always.

    ~ Matthew 28:20b

    This for me then begs the question, why should I not fear if God is with me? We need not fear for two very big reasons. First, the God of the universe has promised to never leave us, and He was powerful enough to speak the world into existence out of nothing. Therefore, He is most definitely much bigger than any trouble we could possibly face. The second builds on this concept. Because God is bigger than any trouble we could possibly face, He can also handle any trouble we could possible face, and He has the strength to pull us through.

    You see, the past while I have been weighed down by many life altering decisions, each unique from each other, but still equally important, ominous, and scary. More and more the past year I have been crying out, “I can’t do this.” And it’s true. I simply don’t have the wisdom to choose, the strength to not break, the perseverance to continue. But what I’ve been learning more and more recently is that this is okay. You know why? Because even when I’ve lost control, God is in control. I don’t got this; but God’s got this.

    Just like the choir, we can pretend to have everything put together, and believe that we can handle anything because we have it all figured out. But any time we think that, it is a lie. We are finite, exhaustible, breakable, and have limited knowledge. We can think we can handle some things, but our trials reveal that honestly we can’t. We only live by the continual grace of God, and it is only by the grace of God that we make it through anything. This means that every pain and trial we face is a opportunity in disguise. An opportunity to admit your lack of strength, wisdom, and perseverance, and a wonderful opportunity to instead rely totally on God in complete surrender. I am reminded of the song by Keith and Kristen Getty called “When Trials Come.” The whole song is great, but the second verse says,

    Within the night I know Your peace

    The breath of God brings strength to me

    And new each morning mercy flows

    As treasures of the darkness grow

    We can know this peace and strength. All that is required is admitting your insufficiencies, recognizing God’s sufficiency, and relying on Him alone. Surrender your pain and trouble to God. It’s so simple, yet so hard. But it is also so very freeing. Therefore,

    Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His presence continually!

    ~ 1 Chronicles 16:11

  • And God spoke

    God speaks to us in many ways.  Often times through reading His word, sometimes through friends.  Yesterday God spoke to me in a kind of strange way.

    Let me give you a little background first though.  I’m going through a kind of tumultuous time of life.  I’m finishing up highschool, and many of the things I have been doing for years are coming to an end.  Now, I’m not the kind of person who likes change in any shape or form. 😉  So with everything comfortable and familiar ending, I feel rather lost.  Also, recently I’ve come to realize that I lack purpose in my life.  Everyone around me is heading off to college, their heads full of dreams of what they will become.  Me, I know I’m staying home to help my parents, but beyond that I don’t really have a dream in life that I’m striving for.  Plus there are all the issues with our government weighing on my mind.  Added to this is a tournament this weekend that I feel rather unqualified to be competing in.  Thus life seems to be crashing down on me.

    Then yesterday I was cleaning and listening to my mp3 player.  Now, because I have this problem for making decisions, I had it on random so I wouldn’t have to decide which album to listen to. 😉  Despite having a task before me that should have taken more of my attention, my stomach was starting to churn thinking of all the pressures weighing on me.  Then I noticed what song started playing on my mp3 player. 

    Surround Me by The Swift

    “You always know what to do when I need You.
    You come through. Make my old brand new.
    That’s what You do.

    You always know what to do.
    When life seems to much to take.
    And I can’t hang on to it.
    You open Your arms and You tell
    me to hang on to You

    (Chorus)
    At the top of my lungs
    At the end of my rope
    When there’s nothing to lose
    And I’m fresh out of hope.
    You surround me.
    You surround me.
    You surround me.

    Everytime I try, everytime I fail.
    You surround me, You surround me.”

    I almost started to cry.  This was exactly what I needed to hear.  Then many simliar songs began to play and every single one had to do with trusting God through the hard times.  Songs about life going crazy, but knowing there is a safe place in God’s arms.  It was truly amazing!  God spoke to me through my mp3 player, reminding me that my focus shouldn’t be on my problems, but on Him.

    It is amazing as you read through the Psalms just how many times it speaks about God’s steadfast love.  Many of these times, the psalmist starts off in the pit of despair.  But in the end he remembers his focus should be on the one sure thing in this world.  God.  Take Psalm 13 for instance.  It begins asking God if He will forget him forever and let his enemies trample him.  Then is ends with “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.  I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.” (Psalm 13:5,6)

    I’ll end with the words of Psalm 46

    1God is our refuge and strength,
       a very present help in trouble.
    2Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
       though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
    3though its waters roar and foam,
       though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
                             Selah
     4There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
       the holy habitation of the Most High.
    5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
       God will help her when morning dawns.
    6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
       he  utters his voice, the earth melts.
    7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
                             Selah

      8Come, behold the works of the LORD,
       how he has brought desolations on the earth.
    9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
       he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
       he burns the chariots with fire.
    10“Be still, and know that I am God.
       I will be exalted among the nations,
       I will be exalted in the earth!”
    11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
                             Selah